i don't {u n d e r s t a n d}

[Kamilliah]

"Wake up, miss Dell..." Helena sang as she shook the shoulder of a dead corpse, convinced that the corpse was merely asleep. Miss Dell...also known as Hannah Dell, one of the stars of Helena's mother's movie-in-the-making...didn't respond to the child's calls, or the child's touch. It was quite, quite obvious that she was deceased...but Helena, as a mere child of three, didn't seem to notice.

"Ouchie. You gotsa big owie on da head." Hel added pointing to Hannah's large cut on the side of her forehead. Hannah, obviously, didn't respond...and Helena frowned in frustration. "Wake up!" She screeched, shaking Hannah's shoulder again. The poor child didn't understand what was going on...she'd been on the plane, sitting next to her mother...her mother, who she'd cried for what seemed like hours for and had never responded...and now, she was here, in this big place full of trees and people lying on the ground and the big metal thing that Hel could only assume was the plane.

But was the plane really that small? She remembered it being so big, when they'd boarded it. She'd even commented on its largeness, pointing a small, childish finger up at it in astonishment, and letting Kamilliah know just how big it was in her eyes - and at that moment, she'd spread her arms out as far as they could go. Yep, that big. And that was pretty big, for a three year old.

But now, Helena wasn't worried about the size of the plane. Had the plane ride worn everybody out? There were a lot of people laying on the ground. She'd recognized some of them...like Minnie, the lady who always gave Hel a piece of candy whenever she saw her...and Robbie, who was really funny and liked to make Helena laugh...and then, there had been Aia, who was Robbie's sister's husband's sister, who Helena had just referred to as "Auntie Aia", because it was easier. None of them had come to the rescue when she'd cried, or when she'd called for Kamilliah, or John, or anyone else that she knew. They'd all just sat there with their eyes closed, and scrapes and cuts all over their bodies. It only made Helena grow even more frustrated...and this was merely the last straw. Yet again, she let the tears begin to pour out of her eyes as she plopped herself down next to Hannah Dell, sticking her thumb in her mouth as she began to wail.

"Maaaaammmmmaaaaaaaa..."

[Nate Driscoll]

Oww... Shit. For a moment Nate thought he knew what he'd see when he woke up... a sideways view of the floor of his penthouse, where he'd have collapsed after failing yet again to drink himself into oblivion over the collapse of his so-called fairytale marriage. But if that was the case... then why could he hear Helena?

The Plane He bolted upright, a little too quickly for his throbbing, spinning headache to cope with... Well, it wasn't in the air any more.

[Kamilliah]

No one was coming. Why was no one coming?

The fact that no one was responding to her childish cries only made Helena cry harder. Where was her father? And her mother? She never left Kamilliah's side. Ever since...that night...John and Milla had always made sure that Hel was protected. So why wasn't there anyone there to protect her now?

It was scary being left alone in this big place, with no one there with her. Why were people screaming? It only added to her anxiety. She wanted her mother...or someone she knew, there with her. But what if no one came? What would she do then?

Wiping her eyes, Helena slowly stood up, her blanket clenched in her right fist as she made her way around the crash site...unaware that it was a crash site at all. Her crying had only worsened, to the point where she was literally gasping for breath. She was deathly, deathly frightened. Didn't anyone see that? Wasn't anyone going to help her?

[Nate Driscoll]

Milla... Got to find her. Got to find Helena.. This simple yet brutal mantra drowned out everything else - the rustling in the trees, the roar of the flames... The screams of the dying. Please let them be alive!

Ignoring the roars of protest issuing from every inch of his body, including quite a few places he'd never actually realised could hurt so much, Nate forced himself to his feet... Only then did the full impact of what had happened hit him like a punch to the guts. The plane had crashed... broken up in mid-air.

He could see people he recognised... No, that wasn't true. He could see things that used to be people he knew. People he'd had meetings with, made coffee for, gone out drinking with... People who until yesterday had been living, breathing, feeling individuals.. and were now just.. broken.

It didn't feel real. It felt like just another film set. Like if he turned round he'd see the cameras and the crew... except that it was bits of the crew he was falling over. Nate could feel the nausea rising, an acidic bite at the back of his throat. It was like he'd become hypersensitive, every little sensation driving him mad. The beads of sweat (he hoped it was sweat) running down his spine... the sledgehammer pounding in his brain... the weight of the gun at his hip.

That was what snapped him back to reality. The tangible weight of his responsibility. He had to find Milla and Helena, to make sure they were okay. He coughed, the acrid smoke scratching at his throat, and shouted "Milla! Helena!"

[Kamilliah]

"Little girl!"

Helena turned around to see a rather tired, old man laying on his stomach, reaching towards her leg eagerly. "Little girl...get me that water...that water..." The man pointed to a bottle of water that sat not a foot away from the child, and Helena merely glanced at it through teary eyes and let out a blood curdling scream. Was he trying to grab her? Was he trying to...take her away?

Helena ran. She ran as fast as her short, childish legs could take her...which really wasn't that fast, considering she was tripping over this person and that person, and pieces of debris from the crash. What happened here? Why was everything so hot? Why were people laying on the ground? Why was she...alone?

Suddenly, Hel's foot got caught under a piece of metal and she slipped, not only slamming her head on the ground, but scraping her arm against against the object, causing a big scratch to run from her elbow to her wrist. The child shrieked in pain and cradled her arm gently, staring at the red liquid oozing out as she cried and cried and cried, shaking in fear. She was hungry, and cold, and tired and scared...she just wanted Kamilliah to come swoop her up and tell her everything was alright, that this was just a dream..

Slowly getting up, Helena grabbed her blanket which she'd dropped when she fell and began to run again, looking back to see what was going on behind her, and not paying attention to where she was going...hearing someone call her name, the child looked forward again, but it was too late. Almost instantly, the baby ran into someone's leg and she fell backwards, shrieking in surprise and fear.

Wiping her eyes, the child continued to sob as her attention traveled up to the person she'd bumped into. They seemed familiar...very, very familiar. Was it...Nate? She could recognize his tall figure, but the smoke surrounding them seemed to fog out his distinct features that she'd usually recognize...but yes, it was Nate...after squinting her teary blue eyes up at the man, she was sure of it. Immediately Helena felt a huge wave of relief wash over her and she whimpered a little, holding her arms out to him. Maybe Nate knew where her mother was. Nate knew everything.

[Nate Driscoll]

Something ran shrieking into Nate's leg, making him catch his breath. He knew the drill well enough, if only through fiction - where there was carrion, there'd be predators soon enough. It wasn't that which scared him though.. the dead he could deal with, they looked just like movie props. But to have to look down into the eyes of the dying - well, that was inescapably real. He closed his eyes, dug his nails into his palms and started counting, his black sense of humor bitterly celebrating wasting all that money on therapy, giving him such bloody useful advice.

Another shriek forced him back into reality, the guilt rising like the bile snaking up his throat. What if it was him, and his last moments were spent trying desperately to get someone's attention? For that person to ignore him... Unthinkable. Cursing his 'goddam bleeding heart' under his breath he glanced down, half dreading what he was going to see...

Dread turned to ecstacy. Helena! Alive! If he wasn't such a bitter atheist he'd have thanked.. someone, but there wasn't time for that. She whimpered, and reached out to him. Poor mite... she's probably terrified. Something else was bugging him - where was Milla? - but that would have to wait. He had to make sure Helena was okay..

Nate knelt down next to her, trying to make slow his hummingbird heart and halt the shaking sneaking through him. He had to be strong, John was counting on him to protect Helena at all costs..

[Kamilliah]

Helena wiped her eyes slightly and sniffled as Nate bent down to her, trying to settle down now that some one she knew was in her company. Drawing in a shakey breath, the child glanced at her scratched up arm, wanting to show Nate, but she had a far more important subject to bring up, first.

"Where...is she?!" she cried, referring to her mother. Why wasn't Milla here? That was the only thing on her mind right now...she just wanted her mother. The thought of never seeing Milla again merely brought more tears to Helena's eyes and she just began to bawl all over again.

"Where is she? Where's mommy?" She whimpered, her watery blue eyes tearing away from Nate to look at all that was surrounding them. She had so many questions to ask...but she couldn't find the words to say them all. Perhaps she didn't even know the words to describe them...to describe this...this hell that they were all trapped in.

[Nate Driscoll]

It was a good question.. the only sensible one she could have asked under the circumstances. But Nate didn't know how to answer her... Goddam it, where was Milla? He knew she'd never willingly leave her beloved child, even before the... incident, they'd been inseperable. Thinking that, seeing the carnage, something cold happened to his stomach, and he knew instinctively looking for her would be hopeless.

No. Stop that. Nothing was hopeless. Miracles happened - his survival, and that of Helena, was testimony to that. Milla was a human dynamo, unstoppable. A simple thing like an airplane crash couldn't halt her...

He looked back to Helena, whose blue eyes were getting ever more waterlogged. He had no idea what to tell a frightened three year old. "I don't know..." The words didn't want to come out, and when they did they were tainted by the old scottish lilt - a sure sign he wasn't really in control, slipping out of his usual affected neutrality - but surely Helena would be too young to have realised that yet?

He cleared his throat, started again, this time slightly more sensible."But we'll" - he hesistated to say find, setting up a promise he was terrified he wouldn't be able to deliver on - "We'll go look for her... And until then you stick with me, okay, munchkin?" He flashed her his best parazzi-ready 'look-at-me-holding-it-together-so-well' smile while mentally running her over, noticing the gash in her arm.

"Ouch" Nate pointed to it, hesitating to touch incase it hurt her while inside marvelling that she wasn't hurt worse "What happened?"

[Kamilliah]

Helena sniffled and nodded again, inhaling yet another shakey breath, and hugging her blanket closer to her. She looked down at her once-white dress, which was now covered in dirt and leaves and...red stuff, that Helena didn't understand just what it was...a few rips and tears here and there as well...so much for her favorite dress, eh? But Hel wasn't really one to cry over such a thing...and as of now, she understood that there really was no time for that, any way..considering the circumstances that they were in..

She didn't understand quite what was going on, but she could sense that something bad had happened. For one, neither Milla or John were with her. For two, there were people screaming like crazy, and crying non stop. For three, there was fire...and Milla had always told Helena that fire was bad, unless it was 'tamed'...hah, like she knew what the term 'tamed' meant, anyway..

When Nate mentioned that he didn't know where her mother was, she felt a sudden sense of panic rise in her chest...but knowing Nate, he'd do anything to find Milla...at least, Helena was convinced for that to be true. Wiping her eyes again, only to allow more tears pour out of them, Hel looked down at her arm when Nate motioned to it and sighed.

"I fell down..." she muttered with a small frown, then turned around and pointed behind herself to the large metal object that she'd hurt herself on only moments before, "On that." After a moment, the child turned back around and looked down at her hands, her teeth tugging at her bottom lip out of habit. Looking up at Nate, Helena's face now held a worried, nervous expression, finally finding the words to ask him just what was going on. She wanted to know why her mother wasn't there with her...she wanted to know what everyone was screaming about.

"Nate...why's everyone so sad?" she asked slowly, her chin quivering a bit.

[Nate Driscoll]

Nate tore off a strip of his shirt and wrapped it carefully around her arm. It wasn't perfect, but it would do until he could find something better. Besides, sometimes what mattered was just to seem like you were doing something, whether it helped or not.

He sat back, pondering her question, and sighed. It was a good question, the sort only a child would ask. And now he had to wonder... Why me? Why this plane, why now?

But he had no time to wallow in self pity, because that didn't achieve anything. He had to find a way to explain... to tell a three year old that most of the people were past being sad, and those that could be were more than sad, they were terrifed. The plane had crashed and they were stranded on an island... He envied her innocence, her inability to grasp the carnage... and yet also pitied her, because it would be scary not knowing. How much could he hope to tell her?

"The plane..." He cleared his throat. It wasn't only fear for her that stopped his breath. He was scared for himself.. because once he commited to explaining things for her, he had to accept that they were real and face up to them, not just for himself. He'd be exposing himself onto the worst of human experience for both of them. He hadn't expected this when he made that promise. That seemed so long ago, in another world.

But his word was his word. He'd made a promise. And now he had to see it through... Nate started again. "The plane broke. It was up there... and then it stopped, and fell..." Million dollar moment - how to explain the next bit? The truth? Don't be stupid...

Nate looked down into her big blue eyes and knew, no, he couldn't tell her they were all dead. Not straight out... The truth hurts like hell, a fact he could testify to himself, seeing as how a very un-heroic feeling was washing over him, filling him up with salt water. For the second time he felt jealous of the child, so free to show her emotions, wheras he had to be strong for her. He cleared his throat again. "And the crash made some of the people stop working too..."

[Tabitha]

After panicing at the other campsite Tabitha was feeling really stupid. She must seem like a lunatic to those people, storming off like that. She felt lost, alone and hurt, but continued walking to try and get some of the tension out of her.

She continued on her little treck and heard voices from further on. Her heart gave a skip as they weren't the distinctive voices of Eponine and Angel, one was clearly male and the other sounded like that of a young child. Tabitha started to run towards the voices, when she got there she was surprised. It was a man and a child. She was confused yet thrilled at the same time.

Tabitha went forward making a sound as she went so not to startle them. As she got closer she couldn't help but notice the chaos around them, dead bodies and plane wreckage. She once again saw the terror of the last minutes of the flight and she shivered.

Gathering up her courage she smiled and introduced herself. "Hey, i'm Tabitha, I was on the plane that crashed." She stepped closer hoping to get a friendly reply.

[Angel]

Angel
Had followed Tabitha to through the jungle to here she was running to keep up with her, and as she got closer to the voices she stopped for a second to get her breath back, then burst into the conversation saying.
"Well hi, I'm Angel"
She sat upon the ground and huffed and puffed to get her breath completely back.

[Nate Driscoll]

Where once it had been just him and Helena in a universe of death, suddenly all around exploded into life. Voices.. two women, one brunette, one blonde.. Instinctively he moved infront of Helena, slipping his hand back to hold hers, to give her a little support. He knew how scared she must be feeling... so he went on the defensive. Well, that's what he admitted to himself. The other side of the coin was that he didn't feel all that comfortable himself.

Of course, it was foolish. What did he have to be scared of? They were survivors like him, so the brunette - Tabitha? - had said... Still, there was something about this island that just didn't feel right, like someone or something was watching them from the shadows. Whatever. He couldn't afford to run from ghosts, not when the living, one frightened 3 year old in particular, needed his help..

"Nate." He said, nodding to them by means of introduction - not too friendly, not too icy... just enough. "And this is Helena." He nodded to her, turned and gave her a quick wink to show her everything was all right, drew her closer none the less. Something Milla should have been there to do... "So, there are other survivors?" His tone brightened hopefully, though a nagging voice told him not to get his hopes up.

[Kamilliah]

As Nate explained to her just what'd happened, the child's eyes grew wide and she looked around, then leaned close to Nate with a frightened expression. "Is...mommy broken, too?" She whispered, the tears that'd just ceased now threatening to pour out yet again. Hugging her blanket even closer to her, the child sniffled and glanced behind herself, watching with both interest and fear as people made their way around this 'broken plane', moaning, yelling, screaming, crying...should she be doing the same?

Her thoughts were interrupted by a female voice, and then another...the infant jumped nearly three feet in the air in surprise, having suspected her mother to be the owner of the voice, but she learned that that was most certainly not the case, when she turned to see who it was that'd spoken. Giving a slight disappointed frown, Helena stepped closer to Nate, clinging onto the hand that he'd offered her for dear life. Sticking the thumb of her other hand in her mouth, Helena watched the two with a slight trace of fear in her childish expression, her cries having merely turned into occasional hiccups. At first, her thought was that Nate knew the two women...but as he introduced himself, and then her, she knew that he most certainly wasn't acquainted with them, and that just made her all the more nervous...what if they tried to take her? She wasn't going to take those chances. Not without her mother here. She trusted Nate, but she still preferred to be with Milla..

[Angel]

Angel
Knelt down to lower herself to the childs level, she could see that the girl was scared, so she didn't want to intimidate her any more, as she kneeled down she said.
"Aw hey sweety, my name is Angel and your Helena right! How old are you darlin?"
Her voice soft and none threatening. All the time she was thinking to herself, I hope Eponine gets here soon. She knew that she would be behind somewhere lagaing, because of her injured leg, but she was now getting worried about her.